Strawberry generation.

That's what my teacher said. Where we are from.

It may seem easy but it isn't. Easily spoken but definitely not easily done. Or maybe it's just me. I do want it like crazy but I don't seem to have the expected commitment and perseverance. 3 meals to 2 meals. Isn't that reducing my portion of food intake already? :( I don't starve myself and I had never let myself feel hungry. Now, I experience the grumbling of my stomach. Instead of encouraging, you seem to pressurize me. It may seem like the right thing to do to you. But honestly it isn't. Why rub it in? As if I can't see the flaws I have.

She said I've been giving you attitude like I did before. I just don't wanna listen to hurtful words. I'm indirectly stopping you.
As if I don't know how studies are important.
As if I don't know how much I have to study before I sit for a test.
As if I don't know how much weight I have to lose to meet everyone's expectations.
People may get annoyed with me with my constant complaints about my weight and look. But honestly, I'm just terribly annoyed with myself. My constant crave for food.

Mum, stop. Just for a while. Please?

Everyone has their own opinions.

You are one of the wisest one I've known. But the bad temperament that you have kinda take my initial thoughts away every single time. You told me about a friend of yours who failed to handle freedom. Bad things happened. But she, she is already 20 this year but you still aren't letting her go. Why don't you trust her? Why don't you try to slowly let her go then decide if she can actually handle freedom. I can assure you that she won't end up like your friend. I wonder what's hindering you from treating her the same way you treat us - friendlier, with sense of humour & telling us things we don't know all the time. Why?

I know you are intelligent, smart & knowledgeable. No, these don't mean the same to me. You explained the actual meaning of 'alcoholic' & how people misuse the term. You told me how important it is to focus one thing at a time. You also told me many other stuff. You are like a father to me. From all the knowledge and experience you had, I'm sure you are wiser than you were before. But after so many years, things between you & her barely improved. I'm sure you have your reasons. But what are the reasons? Have you told us enough? Or more reasons are still kept to yourself?

We may not be as educated as you, formally and informally. But we do not deserve to be looked down on.

Three of us went all the way to Malaysian Food Street, Sentosa to try if the Malaysian food here is as good as ones we tried by the original cook back in Malaysia. Sadly, it wasn't as good. It wasn't worth it to drive all the way to Sentosa from Serangoon. But we won't know if we didn't try. Three of us ate 7 dishes & took 1 away. Crazy or what? 

I admit defeat.

Why like this now? I'm not happy. I used to say whatever I like to you. Literally anything. But the more I get to know you, I feel lost. Afraid as well. I don't like how this feels. I want to talk to you like I don't give a damn. Psssh.

Had been eating so much. Feeling happy & guilty at the same time.

Day 2.

Realised it has been a month? :)

I don't know what happened but we just got further apart. I guess it was mostly my fault. But it's nice to know that we are still in good terms :) I didn't know I would miss you so much.

You said you don't care and I trusted you. It's not a very nice thing to say but I guess you really don't care. I may be mean and unreasonable but I always thought you were the kind who understands. The kind who will say "Ahhh, she's like that" without feeling surprised with my words. That was why I love talking to you. Am I thinking too much? Or am I interpreting it right?

You know? I'm happy. For feeling nothing anymore. I tried so hard. Did you know that?

With them, you just seem a little insignificant :/

Why care?

To ask people out.
To bring more clothes.
To feel excited to know that I'll be home soon.

I know I can't blame you but ...
Everyone should stop shrinking my importance.
Maybe I should just stay at home and complete my holiday homework since no one cares if I'm there or not. This is what I hate about home. It was one of the reasons I couldn't wait to leave home. Maybe family does come before friends. Friends are just, friends. Right? It's all about losing one another.

I thought you were busy. But I'm just a friend whom you won't reply to when you're free.

Marriage.

We were both from broken families. Divorced parents. We may seem fine when people talk about their perfect families but deep inside, we tear a little. She's 19 & now married. I see joy and I really hope it stays forever. You deserve a perfect family. Congratulations, love.

It's tomorrow.

First exam of the year. They call it test here because it's not the last paper of the year. If you get what I mean. I'm not even prepared. I just know I'm gonna do so badly. Screw this shit.

Oh. Happy birthday, you :)

I can't wait to go back to Ipoh although I met some friends just a month before this. I miss them so much! Back to Ipoh on the 20th. Up to Penang the day after. And down to Taiping on the 23rd. Back to Ipoh at night. & Singapore on the 24th. Everything is gonna happen so fast. Gosh. I must optimize the time available. The next time I'll meet them is in December :(
What about school homework? Gosh.

Thoughts and more thoughts.  These shall stop. The stupidity shall not stay. Ended my 2011, stupid & started my 2012, stupid. It's sad to know there's no effort taken to care. No feelings as well. I'm asking this again, are you sure you did? But who am I? You clearly don't need to make a thorough explanation.
You're just as clingy as I am. We would be in our own world if ...