:(

He likes someone.

I wasn't the kind of girl who felt embarrassed/ashamed to confess. Okay maybe I little. But it was something I would do whenever I liked someone.

Not anymore.
Well, look at me. I don't need to confess to know the final result.

I want to be wanted :(

Teachers.

*snaps fingers
Hi !
Ks was happy :D

I love my teacher, I really do. Okay, teachers. Since another popped in my head.
Miss A.
She scolds us like crazy. Trust me, it's worse that you imagined. But really, it's all because she cares. Just found out that she purposely took the trouble to talk to teachers in-charged to lessen number of practices needed. No wonder she was so angry when she mistakenly found out that my classmates self-initiated extra practices. She was furious. She mentioned how stupid she felt to assume that my classmates were busy people.
Anyway, her fingers are way cuter than mine. Hehe.

E.T.

She wasn't someone I liked in the beginning of 2011. She constantly complained about my hair colour, skirt length, and shoe colour. But as time passes, I realised that she too, cares a lot about us. Apart from providing free biscuits, sweets, drinks, and breads in class, she tries her best to lessen our stress level. Sometimes I feel that we are taking advantage of her kindness :/

Am starting to like the colour orange. Meow.

Weird yes.

Why is making friends something difficult for me? Is it because of the method I use to make friends? But social networking sites are platforms to make friends! I'm not using it wrongly, I do want to make friends. Ah whatever.

Fuck.

My say?

They said that proper learning sessions should be conducted in a room filled with people with different talents. Well, people who excel in their specific talents of course. This is so that there will actually be an effective discussion as they don't think the same unlike people who are the top 2% of the cohort who probably think in the same manner. That is under an assumption that they all think alike which hinders to think differently or out of the box. But I personally think for them to reach that level of achievement, they must have went through different experiences to answer any kinds of question.

Anyway... back to the main idea.

But if you excel in one but not the other and if someone excels in the other that you are weak at, there will not be any proper discussion since without a proper knowledge of what others are trying to bring up, it's difficult to have a stand. Seriously, I don't think there are any better or improved ways of learning. It's really all up to that person to decide or to carry out a trial-and-error method to identify the best way to study or learn. But in school, time available seems really limited especially when one has to digest whatever taught in school in one day, supposedly. Contents to memorise will not stop accumulating. Tests after tests. There is just insufficient of time. Even if there is, any normal being would really prefer to take a rest, a rest that is really satisfactory. My teacher always say to criticise only if you have a solution but I don't think solutions can be formed easily. Even so, people change and the method that was previously effective might not be now. Well, idk. Besides time management, I believe that one has to really understand herself well.

Paper cut. Ouch.

Friday the 13th.

So the best part in school today was getting hit by a volleyball on the face without receiving an apology. Teacher said nothing as well. Is this something that happens often or what? 
Fuck.
Okay fine. Maybe the girl didn't know that she actually hurt someone. Oh whatever ish.

Had to run under the blazing sun at 4.30pm just now. 400m killed me. Just realised my limit where I can only run fast for the first 250m and I instantly felt the loss in energy after that. Legs were weak like it didn't belong to me. Couldn't feel them. I know I suck. It's only 400m right? Well, you have to understand that I'm big. Like literally.

So I said hi today. He smiled and replied awkwardly. Something happy for today at least? :) But I acted like I couldn't see him after that. Well, he was with a bunch of girls and they looked scary so why not act a little? Orange shoes orange shoes. MU fan lol. I don't understand why are people exactly like how the media define them. I do try to say hi in person but after several times of awkward smiles and awkward greetings, I sort of gave up. Gave up embarrassing myself. As I grow up, it seems harder to make friends.

I don't know what I should do.

My hair is falling at an increasing rate.
My weight is constantly increasing.
My pimples are popping out so frequently.
My grades are not improving at all.
So I am not only physically unattractvie. I'm academically & mentally unattractive too.

People ask me to exercise.
Teachers said to study hard & smart.
Mum asks me to watch my calories intake.
To drink more water.
To eat more fruit.
To eat more vegetables.

"You can only count on yourself!"
"So what now? You're gonna give up again?!"
"You are not studying your notes!"
"This is what I hate most!"
"These are what scholarship sponsors are looking for."
"These are what universities are looking for."

So what if my family is financially stable? It won't be my money in future. It can't buy me looks and brains or whatsoever. A-levels is in November.
Fml. I mean it when I say this. Fml.

I guess it was a stupid move.

The way they looked at me wasn't nice. Maybe it was because I was in my uniform. But shouldn't they look more concerned towards ones who look for such stuff? Instead, it was the total opposite.
"We don't sell such things here. You have to see a doctor to get those."

Well, I didn't know it was such serious stuff cause the last time I went to a pharmacy, it was just on the shelf where anyone can take and pay. Maybe those weren't the effective ones. Oh whatever. I hate myself and that has always been the start of things I do and the conclusion to what I've done. My actions, my thoughts, my everything... beyond ludicrous. So, what should I do now? I'm not a kid anymore. To have such an action, it's a choice. I'm 19. Shouldn't I have the slightest right to decide this on my own?

All I am afraid now are questions that might be asked if a mysterious box arrives.

I still suck at my studies.
Still on Facebook.
Still on Twitter.
Still on Tumblr.
Still here.
Still here.
Still here!