Beat that!

Reached home at 3.30a.m yesterday & please, it's a big deal to me. This is my second time going out so late at night & bamm a new record.

Awkward. Very. Okay, maybe a little. Hmmm. I want it to be a little more realistic. Damn, I suck :( I have so much to say. So so much. I need someone to be a good listener, now :(

I feel disgusted with myself. I look horrible in pictures. I feel like crying again. People are busy with their own stuff. No one is free to listen to my nonsense. No, it isn't nonsense to me. I just have to tell someone. At least it makes me feel a little better, just a little.

4 days left.

Leaving on Thursday morning. How fast is that? :( I need to start on my homework. Dang. It's stupid to think that I'll actually do some. I brought back a luggage of books. Oh fuck. I could've brought back more clothes. Ah ks, you are so hopeless :'(

Met two of my best friends. One left. We can't meet, yes? Makes me hate school/college even more. It's been a year, friend. Will it be 2 the next time we meet? It doesn't feel right. We used to see each other every single day. Talked about everything. From boys to teachers to something else. I miss you. 

An answer, so definite :) When will I get crazy about you? I want to. But, I'm not there yet. I will try to make this work. If the magic works, I will dress my best when I see you the next time. To not embarrass you in front of anyone. Surprise me as well ;D

Mum's birthday is tomorrow. Where should I bring her to have lunch? I want a classy restaurant. Hmmm.

Rambling.

I don't understand myself well. I don't know what I'm doing at times. Okay, most of the time. My feelings can come & go. Sometimes, faster than the changing of seasons. As if everything happens according to what I want. I need to stop this. This is selfish. You have your wants and I have mine.

You & her, there. I wonder what's on your mind. Reminiscing moments you both shared? Feeling insecure. But, you don't belong to me. I have no control over you, yes. I wonder if this is a hurtful choice to make. But I barely know what's on your mind and I'm afraid to ask. I'm afraid that I'm thinking too much. I wanted to do so many things. Little scenes kept playing on my mind before I go to bed. Weird. There's not much time left. Hopefully we'll have plenty of fun on Wednesday. That's all the time we I have.
I miss standing next to you.

I can't believe I told mum about everything yesterday. She reacted calmly to it. Okay maybe a little too curious that she wouldn't stop asking what happened after.

I think I gained weight. This is not supposed to happen. Or maybe I just did not loose any & eating 3 meals a day makes me feel heavy. Dang. Can you, 'thingy' work faster? :(

Let's blog!

Haha. I'm bored. Now.

Heading for some whisky.
Whisky tastes good! :D Better than soju or sake for sure. Why am I even comparing them three? My uncle always tell me how important it is to drink liquor with someone you trust. So I am going with mum and her friends! It's really not weird to go out at night with your family instead of your group of friends. I'm a good girl ;D As I grow older, family seems to be as important as friends. I used to think how friends are more important because I share with them literally everything.
I'm wearing black. COMPLETELY black.

Infatuation.
I don't really like you but I just... like you. Things are becoming... enjoyable. Period.

A bully, yes.
I think I bully mum a lot. Making her do everything alone. Whoops.