I need luck.

What am I thinking?
What am I waiting for?
Why am I still like that?

A-Levels. It's this year. I wasted a year and it seems like I'm continuing it. Why the fuck? Why am I acting as though I can turn back time? Time is running out and I'm still here, blogging. December had been a fun month for me. Ergo, no regrets for not doing any of my homework. But bitch, I have to frantically complete them now. Exam's next week. I have no time to revise. Last minute revision again I guess. After so many years I'm still the same. Neither did I learn my lesson nor did I change. I'm not smart and I was never one. But why the fuck am I still acting like this? Fuck laziness. Every time I realise my wrongdoings, I feel like noting them down so I won't make my child repeat the mistakes I made. Stupid, yes.

They always say 'foreign talent' or 'foreign competition' and I think I just embarrassed my country. Pass? That isn't what I'm aiming for. But why am I stuck here? I feel tired. Tired of something which I don't even know what. Why am I being so nice to myself? I am a slow learner and I know I need time to understand things I'd learned. I need to start sacrificing. I have to. I must.

Magic went nuts. Have I been eating the wrong things? But I've been such a good girl already :'( This is not supposed to happen. I wanna have someone to talk to. The counselor seems like a very nice lady.

Something I cannot have. But I don't mind.
Mentally unstable.  Definitely.